5 Things You Should Do Everyday (if you deal with anxiety)

It's been a bit since I have talked about my weird run-in with postpartum anxiety and depression on my blog but I wanted to post a quick update because people are so cool and have asked me how I've been doing. I thought this deserved its own post so I could to share what has helped me. I know there are so many people who are going through similar struggles. It's pretty alarming to me how many people have reached out to me since I opened up about what I went through and I've felt so grateful that so many people have trusted me with something this heavy. So if nothing else, just know if you are going through anything like this you should know you are so not alone and there is hope that you can get better and find your old self again!

Okay so if you remember, I found out I had PPD and anxiety in July when Chance was around 9 months old. I had been struggling with anxiety since he was born but I hit an all-time low this summer and was unable to eat, sleep, or do much of anything else and didn't know what was happening to me. I lost a bunch of weight, took a medical leave from work, and with the support of my awesome family, faith in God, modern medicine, and amazing doctors I have been able to get better. I never could have imagined myself saying this but I honestly feel going through this experience is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I've learned so much about myself, others, and life in general this year and it's been so good for me. 

So back to getting better. Like I wrote about in my last blog post, when I finally found out I "just" had PPD I thought I would get better instantly. I had been tested for scary stuff like ALS, MS, Lyme Disease, and all every blood test in the book because of all my nerve and physical pain so honestly this diagnosis was a huge relief to me. I thought that if I just knew what it was I would get over it and move on with my life. Even when I opened up about it on my blog about a week after being home from work I had no idea what I had ahead of me.

I was surprised to find out that my recovery wasn't at all what I thought it would be. In one word, it felt pretty slow. I (hesitantly) started on a couple of medications (one to help me sleep and relax my muscles and one anti-anxiety/depressant). I hate to admit this, but for me accepting medication made me feel as thought I had "lost" this battle with myself and I couldn't do it on my own. It took about 7 weeks before I noticed any difference. Accepting medication made me truly feel as though I had failed which I'm so ashamed to say now. I've always considered myself a decently high-functioning person and so for me to "need" medication was such a disappointment and I was pretty devastated. The honest truth is that if I could have seen the future and how much the medication would help me I wouldn't have thought twice about it. My view on this has changed so much. My dad suffered from bipolar and diabetes and no one ever questioned that he needed medication to improve his health. My mom has had cancer and taken chemotherapy and many other medications to help her get better. I remember having a conversation with someone a few years ago where I naively made a comment that it was "unfortunate" that so many people take medication and that physiciatrists are going out of business. I'm so embarrassed with how I viewed things.

How different of a world would it be if we treated people with mental illness the same as we did cancer and diabetic patients? 

I will say my awesome doctor told me that medication was not the cure-all. I loved his view and couldn't agree more. I knew when I started taking it that this would ideally be a temporary assistance to me while I figure out how to get better on my own naturally and move beyond this bump in the road. This has been a complete rounded process of mental, physical, and spiritual improvements in my life to get to the root of the problem. My medication is a temporary band-aid. The trick to all of these improvements has been consistency, and I still have a long way to go. I was able to drop my sleeping medication not long after I started getting better and am still on one of my medications and plan on being on it until Spring-ish. (I've also had a bunch of FAQs about whether or not you can take anxiety medication while pregnant. My medication is pregnancy safe, though many are not.)

I had another friend tell me there were a few things people who struggle with anxiety should do everyday and this has stuck with me. This is what I'm calling my "anxiety recovery recipe." Again, I totally knocked this off from my wise friend but added my own thoughts and changes to a few of them.

Let me emphasize once more that I. am. not. perfect. with. this. I have such a long way to go but I firmly believe these five things are the recipe for success with anxiety, and know that when I stick to them my stress, fears, and moodiness are alleviated and I'm a happier and healthier person.

Here it goes, (in no special order, all have equal weight in my opinion!)

1. Exercise to sweat. Not just to cross "worked out" off your list. I'm talking like swass and swoobs sweat. Real sweat that leaves pit and back stains and drips down your face. It is not about vanity. Not only does a chemical change happen in your brain when you release endorphins, but the sense of pride in accomplishing this task boosts your confidence, thus resulting in a boosted mood. I am so passionate about this. Again it is not about vanity. The weirdest and most cliche thing also is...it also makes you have more energy. I know when you're going through a hard time working out can be the last thing you want to do. I know what it feels like to not have the energy to do the dishes, let alone exercise to sweat. But I have never had a workout I regretted since I have been better. The key is to know your limits, and ease into it. A good warm up, stretch, and cool down are crucial. And finally, as with all these rules, be consistent.
2. Meditate. I mentioned in my last post I did an 8 week MBSR course. I seriously thought this was so weird at first. I imagined it to be an actual classroom and class with a teacher and I walked into a man-bun and yoga studio and immediately thought I had made a massive mistake and would probably laugh at inopportune moments the whole time and feel stupid. I had already paid for the class though so I decided to stick with it. Learning the practice of mindfulness and meditation was another huge game changer for me. I was grateful to have been able to go to the class, but it was pricey and took a lot of time each week, so another alternative I'm loving is the Headspace app. There are lots of analogies that speak my language and you learn different ways to meditate and can decide which you like best for you. One I learned in my MBSR class was the idea of comparing anxiety to ocean waves. The waves of life come and go regardless of what we do to prepare, plan, or worry. There will be ups and downs no matter what we do. Us in our anxious and stressed state is the same idea as a person running around in the ocean trying to stop any of the waves from making ripples. No matter how hard we try, the waves will come and there isn't anything we can do to stop them. Running around trying to stop the waves like we think we need to is not the solution, we instead need to picture ourselves riding the waves while lying on top of a surfboard (stay with me on this). We just go on top of waves. Up and down, calmly as they come. They will keep coming but we control how we ride them. 10 minutes of meditation (or as I like to think of it "brain exercise") a day is just as important as sweating and physical exercise.
3. Eat fruits and veggies. Anyone who knows me knows this has definitely been the hardest one for me. I am serious...I openly admit to being a sugar addict. Now that I've read about it and through my own experience, I am sure that sugar and caffeine contribute to my stress and anxiety. I have noticed as I've cut sugar out of my diet (before the holidays came and it all went downhill this week...whoops) and focused on eating real foods with colors I've felt so much better. I heard one time that if we treat our cars crappy and never do maintenance on them they will break down. The same is true with us. If we want our bodies and brains to function to the best of their ability they need to be properly nourished and maintained. This also includes hydration.
4. Unplug. I didn't realize this at the time, but when I was at my worst I was almost obsessively looking at my phone to distract myself from how I was feeling. This compounded the problem, as I saw all these beautiful perfect people just living their lives. All I could think was "what is wrong with me? Why can't I be like them!" It was so discouraging and the comparison game is a slippery slope. Learn to control it before you don't even realize what's happening to you and take a break from tech every once in a while. It's so liberating!
5. Last but not least...pray. (If you're not religious, no biggie...just see #2!) But for me it's not just "I'm-about-to-fall-asleep-and-need-to-remember-my-prayers" pray, but really pray. Like have a conversation and a real relationship with God. Tell Him your fears, struggles, worries, express your gratitude. I'm saying real talk here. I've had my fair share of struggles and questions within my own religion but the one thing I've always felt extremely solid about is my relationship with God. I promise leaning on Heavenly Father is a game-changer and the peace that has come into my life by improving my relationship with Him is so crucial for me to not only make it, but do so enjoyably in this life. I find combining this with my meditation time is super helpful and feels more intentional than last-minute prayers at night like I typically do.

So there you have it. My few thoughts on what I've learned in my journey this year. I know it may be hard to beileve, but seriously this year has been the best year of my life. It's been rewarding in so many ways, and I have a new sense of love for Chance as my son and Andrew as my husband that I didn't know I had inside of me. 

I hope this post helps someone who may be going through a similar situation, please feel free to reach out to me any time at stephchristensen15@gmail.com if there is anything I can do to help. 

Thanks!

-Steph