Another Day in Quarantine
This week has started to feel hard as the reality of my new normal is starting to sink in. We're on week 3 of being pretty much shut down and socially distanced from everyone and with no end in sight I've become discouraged these past few days. I am still waking up, cleaning my house, doing the things I have to get done, but inside I'm feeling down and uneasy about how much longer this is going to last and the affect it will have on our family and so many people we love, physically, emotionally, and financially. I get so angry watching the news I have had to limit my consumption. I really can't even handle how much back and forth blaming and bickering there is - it is so discouraging for me to see our country leadership spending more time pointing fingers and placing blame at a time when I so strongly feel we should all be coming together to solve problems and save lives. It feels so backwards to me and it just really brings me down so I watch Cake Wars instead and I've found I'm much happier.
The first 2 weeks we were home, Andrew and I decided we were going to use this time to focus on our health and get ripped out of our minds. :) I have been working out like crazy and even ran a half marathon outside last Saturday! This week though, I decided to chill out a little. I'm still running and working out but I decided to make Lavain Bakery cookies and one thing led to another and now it's Saturday and all I have done is eat lots of cookies this week. I will admit this strategy has been good and made me happier so I'm just going to go with it. Desperate times I guess. I'm currently on the fence though as to whether or not I want to use this time to keep working out and be disciplined or if I should just let myself go for a month or two and pig out? It really is 50-50, I am totally on the fence...so we shall see. I really just wish someone could tell me how long this thing is going to last so I could plan on when I need to kick my butt into gear. :)
^^I spend a lot of my time in our gym these days. I am so glad we got this finished!^^
I forced Chance to do some chores like I do everyday and he fought me on it like he does everyday. Today he had to clean up his room (which was very easy since most of his room is currently a fort right now), he had to wipe down light switches, and pick up his toys. Surprisingly this takes him almost an hour each day. He's a maniac and takes so long. I tell him I'm going to start "counting" and you would think I beat him or something with the way he panics when I start counting. I don't even know how far I'm counting or what the outcome would be if I got to a made up number, and either does he, but it works and makes him get going so I guess that's a win? After chores Ellie napped and Chance and I had some time to hang out just the two of us since Andrew was downstairs working all day. We FaceTimed my mom and she was sounding down so we decided we would "heart attack" her. We cut out some cute hearts (Chance is working on his cutting) and drew notes and pictures on them.
After Ellie woke up from her nap we had lunch and drove up to "Grammys" after picking up some Chip cookies to drop off to her. It's so weird how everything is either shut down or curb-side service. I got my cookies and wiped the box with Lysol before brining them into the car. I had that same thought I always get, which is how in the hell did we get here? And how weird is it that it is becoming instinctive and impulsive for me to wipe down anything I touch, hand sanitize and wash my hands like crazy, and not want my kids to be inside anywhere but my home? I forced myself to push out those thoughts and come back to the present moment, like I always do whenever I start going down a scary mind path.
Chance and I listened to Disney songs in the car as we drove the half hour to grammy's. Every song that comes on he asks "what movie is that mom?" We also played his new favorite game which is "I Spy" and had a lot of fun. I think I'm going to write down all the questions he asks in a day and record them here, just to remember how funny and curious he is right now. It's exhausting trying to be a good parent. I sometimes just want to tell him to be quiet but then I remember how he geniunely just loves that he can talk now and so badly just wants to learn.
When we got to grammy's we decided to be sneaky and doorbell ditch her. Chance held the hearts and I taped them and he stuck them on her door. We then rang the doorbell and ran around to the side of her house and waited for her to open the door. Once she opened we jumped out and said "SURPRISE!" and we were all equally excited. My mom was happy to have us visit and Chance was stoked about this new concept of doorbell ditching and can't wait to try it out some more. We stayed for a while and played in the backyard while my mom sat up on the deck and we talked until we got too cold.
I forgot Chance's jacket so he wore my hoodie and looked like a hoodlum and played while I froze my buns off. Ellie ate crackers on a blanket and waved at grammy like the perfect little angel child she is. We made Chance run to the fence and back a few times to get his wiggles out. I pushed him on the swing and tried to teach him how to "pump" by himself but he wasn't getting it.
We came home and all took a nap today. I have been taking naps lately at 3pm when both kids nap just because I can. It's a good part of my day these days so I'm going to live it up while I can. :) When we woke up Andrew had finished work so we all drove to get dinner (J Dawgs was closed and I was devastated, so we settled for Carls Jr. because it had the smallest drive-thru line. The food ended up being as mediocre as I remembered it when I ate there last which was at least 10+ years ago). We drove then to Meiers Meats in Alpine and then finished driving around looking at a couple of lots and talking about what our future holds.
One of my favorite things about Andrew is that after almost 8 years of being married to him, I absolutely love talking to him like old friends. I like to just have regular conversations with him like a friend and he's just a good person to talk to. I think it's a really good thing that we can still just genuinely enjoy a normal, mundane thing like driving in the car and talking.
We came home and Andrew and Chance decided to have a "special sleepover" downstairs. Chance was stoked so they decided to watch a movie and pop popcorn. I fed Ellie and put her to bed, then had a bubble bath and some time alone in my thoughts. I decided to get my computer out and just start writing. It really is therapeutic for me at a time like this.
Chance has been obsessed with Frozen 2 lately. There is a song that I love that has stuck with me during this crazy time and I keep coming back to the phrase "do the next right thing" throughout my days. Elsa is lost and Ana thinks she is either gone or dead or something, and is in total despair. The song talk about how when you're lost and alone and not sure what to do you get up, and do the next right thing.
I love this part of the song:
You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing
Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor?
But it's not you I'm rising for
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
I think that will be my motto for the rest of this Coronavirus craziness, however long that lasts. Just to focus on doing the next right thing. Not looking too far ahead but to break it down and just keep going until this is a memory and thing of the past.
I am uncertain and uneasy about the future for me and so many people I love. I worry about the economy, our health, and what lies ahead in these weird times. I do know that all I can do is focus on doing the next right thing and make the most of this crazy time.
xoxo
-steph
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